Personal and Health Impact, Coping, and Self-Care When Your Beloved Pet Dies
Losing a pet can be devastating. Often, other people don’t realize the impact a pet has on our lives, which can make the experience feel isolating. Our relationships with pets are so important that they can affect our mental and physical health, which can suffer when a pet passes. People who are struggling with pet loss can use many strategies to help themselves work through the grieving process.
Pet Loss Can Impact Our Health
Pets can actually make us healthier people. Those who have pets tend to have lower rates of heart disease and lower blood pressure. Some studies have found that they are also less likely to experience loneliness or depression, and more likely to say they are satisfied with their life. So it may be no surprise that when we lose this relationship, our health is affected in a negative way.
Pet Loss and Mental Health
Research shows that when we experience grief, our brains undergo physical changes. These changes can affect our thought processes and emotions. For many people, grief results in feelings of sadness, depression, guilt, anger, anxiety, relief, loneliness, or feeling irritable. Some people experience mental symptoms of grief, which may include confusion, trouble focusing, constant dwelling on your pet, or thinking you see or hear your pet. Loss of an animal companion can also lead to anxiety and depression for some people.
Pet Loss and Physical Health
Grief from pet loss may also lead to physical symptoms, such as fatigue, insomnia, a hollow feeling in the stomach, tightness in the chest, dry mouth, and aches and pains.
Sometimes, our reactions to grief can be severe. One woman reportedly experienced “broken heart syndrome” after losing her dog. This condition occurs when one chamber of the heart suddenly weakens in response to an emotional or physical stress. Its symptoms are similar to heart attack symptoms. While this condition is rare, it highlights the large effect that grief can have on the body.
Why Losing a Pet is Especially Difficult
It’s common to think that people don’t get that sad after loss of a pet. But research tells us that often, the grief that people feel following loss of an animal companion feels the same as grief following loss of a human companion. In some cases, people report even more intense feelings. This may be because of the special type of relationship we feel with our pets. Often, it feels like a parent-child relationship, and is associated with unconditional love and acceptance, which we don’t always get in our human relationships. Feeling these especially strong feelings after pet loss may take some people by surprise and lead to feeling shame or guilt.
There are many reasons why grieving a pet can be just as or even more difficult than grieving a human:
- While everyone can understand and empathize with loss of a person, not everyone can grasp how devastating pet loss can be. Some people may make insensitive comments, such as “you can just get another pet,” which adds to the sense that other people don’t understand what we’re going through.
- We don’t tend to have the same rituals surrounding pet loss as we do with the loss of our fellow humans. This may include not getting as much social support from others. This may lead to feeling like our emotions aren’t valid, and feeling even more isolated.
- Because some people don’t understand pet loss, we often don’t have as much space to process emotions. For example, pet loss is often not considered a valid reason for taking time off of work. People who have just lost a companion may find it extremely difficult to keep up with normal responsibilities, even though they are expected to keep performing as normal.
- Because of stigma surrounding grieving during pet loss, some people may find it hard to talk openly about what they are struggling with. Often, people who have lost a pet feel embarrassed or ashamed at the depth of their emotion.
Being hesitant to acknowledge or talk about these strong emotions is common. Not having solid support systems surrounding pet loss can sometimes make processing it more difficult. This may mean that the pet grieving process is more complex and it can take longer for us to move on.
Another difficulty surrounding pet loss that is often unacknowledged is that it leads to changes in a person’s routine. Perhaps a person got used to being woken up in the morning by their hungry cat, or getting exercise through walking their dog. When that pet is gone, a person’s whole daily routine may be thrown off, leaving a person feeling even more lost. Small hassles and disruptions to a person’s routine can easily add up to be just as stressful and harmful to health than bigger events.
Coping and Self-Care Following Pet Loss
People can help themselves following loss by working towards self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin developed a scientific way of thinking about and measuring self-compassion that is based on Buddhist psychology. This definition of self-compassion includes three things: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Why should people who are experiencing loss think about self-compassion? It can make the grieving process easier to deal with and may help lessen negative thoughts. It can also boost a person’s mental and physical health. People who use more self-compassionate thinking have fewer symptoms of depression and can better manage stress.
Self-Kindness
Self-kindness is a process of acknowledging our pain and not being critical of ourselves for it. Negative emotions are a normal part of grief, and of life.
Awareness is the first step of self-care – it is only by being honest with ourselves that we can then try to give ourselves what we need. Writing down thoughts in a journal or talking things over with a trusted friend can help people sort through their feelings.
When people better understand what they are going through, they can then try to help themselves deal with the emotions. We should make sure to give ourselves time and space to feel all of our emotions, even the bad ones. This may mean that on especially difficult days, we take a break from work or other responsibilities if possible. It also may mean being honest with other people about what we’re going through, rather than pretending everything is fine.
Other ways people can deal with their emotions and practice self-kindness while mourning the loss of a pet include:
- Having a memorial service or funeral. Some people may choose to bury a pet or spread their ashes in their favorite place. This can help people get a better sense of closure.
- Reflecting on positive memories by making a list, writing a letter, or choosing a picture to frame and hang in the home.
- Spending some time in the pet’s favorite places. This may include going to a dog park, taking a walk down a familiar route, or even just spending some time in the yard.
If your emotions are very strong and you’re having a hard time dealing with them, you can consider going to individual or group therapy. Therapists can help people better identify their emotions and learn to work through them to get to a healthier place. This is especially important for people who experience symptoms of anxiety or depression following loss of a pet.
Common Humanity
When dealing with strong negative emotions, it’s easy to feel isolated and that no one else understands. When grieving a pet, remember that other people have also gone through this experience and probably had very similar emotions. You aren’t alone, even if you feel like you’re the only one grieving your pet.
Often, people dealing with pet loss feel like they don’t get validation and support from loved ones. Try reaching out to friends and family when you’re struggling and let them know you could use some extra support. This is especially important for people who live alone, who often experience even stronger feelings of grief and depression following pet loss. If you don’t feel like you’re getting the support you need, you can try connecting with others who are in a similar situation as you, by:
- Joining an online forum or Facebook group dedicated to pet loss, and sharing your story with others who better understand your experience.
- Finding an in-person support group in your area. Some animal clinics and therapists’ offices offer this service. These groups can help people feel solidarity with others who are grieving.
- Reading a book or blog about pet loss to learn about other people’s experiences with death of an animal friend.
Mindfulness
Being mindful means focusing on what is happening in the present, rather than being stuck in the past or overly worrying about the future. Practicing mindfulness can help people deal with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and can help ease emotional distress.
Ways that people can be more mindful include:
- Making a list of the things you’re thankful for
- Practicing meditation. There are many books, apps, and YouTube videos that can help teach beginners the basics.
- Reorganizing your previous routines related to your pets. For example, if you’re used to hanging out with friends at the dog park, find other ways to socialize. This can help the loss not feel so disruptive to your daily life.
It’s also important to make sure to keep meeting your basic needs. It’s common to have changes in appetite or sleep when going through an emotional time. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, and eat regularly. Do your best to also take care of others in your household who may need it. Make sure that other family members, especially children, are processing the loss too and receiving comfort when they need it. Maintain routines with other pets as well. Animals can experience grief too, so give them extra attention by playing their favorite games or giving them extra pets.
Moving On After Loss
Each person takes a different amount of time to work through grief. It may seem like some people heal quickly, while others take much longer to come to terms with loss. Ultimately, while we can take steps to care for ourselves during the grieving process, there’s not much anyone can do to control how long it takes to heal. Many people still experience intense symptoms of grief for a year or more following a pet’s death.
Some people may find that getting another pet can help the healing process. Others may find that they aren’t ready to form a relationship with a new pet for a long time. If people do choose to get another pet, they should make sure that they are doing it for the right reasons. In some cases, getting a pet too soon may actually make the grieving process harder in the long run. For example, someone may be tempted to get a new pet as a way to distract themselves from negative emotions, rather than working through them. Another issue may be that someone expects a new pet to have the same behaviors or interests as their old pet. This can lead to disappointment when the person finds that they can’t have the same type of relationship with a new pet as they are used to.
Those who aren’t ready to bring another pet into their life can still find ways to have relationships with other animals. Spending time around other animals may help someone feel comforted or may bring a new sense of purpose to their life. For example, a person can:
- Spend time around friends who have pets
- Offer to pet-sit for friends, family, or co-workers who are going out of town
- Volunteer at a local animal shelter
Following the loss of a pet, it may seem like nothing will ever be the same again. However, growth and healing are possible in the long run. Researchers have identified a phenomenon that they call posttraumatic growth. This occurs when people take a journey of experiencing hardship, struggling, and then coming out stronger on the other side. When people experience posttraumatic growth, they end up feeling that their life is transformed in a positive way, which may lead to a feeling of self-improvement, more meaningful relationships, or a better appreciation of life. Studies have found that people experiencing pet loss can experience posttraumatic growth. This shows that working through grief and loss can be worth it. People who have pets are better for it, even after their pets leave.
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If you like, you can learn more and schedule a consultation with Dr. Brynna Connor.
Thank you for this kind article. I just lost my little doggie and I am heartbroken. This truly gave me insight into my feelings. And hope.
Margaret- it is so hard to lose one of our family members- I am glad the article was helpful to you – please take care of yourself.
I lost my baby girl Hazel she was only 3 years old
She had medical issues but didnt pass from them
I cry everyday nit understanding why
The vet misdiagnosed her she suffered for 2 days but they kept saying gastro when it was something with her lung
She was my happy place when my life was falling apart without her she saved me and i saved her I been so sad without her
Anne Marie, I am so sorry for your sadness and missing Hazel.
I am very sorry for your loss. My cat Jap was put to rest the day you left this comment on Oct 3,2021. Similar to your story, two emergency doctors claimed some underlining issues but then yesterday my primary vet disagreed with their finding which makes me feel like I should have been him to sleep. I feel these vets don’t know what they’re doing. If you don’t mind me asking, how did Hazel pass? And how did you find out the dr was wrong?
We are so very sorry for your loss, Albert.
I am so sorry to hear this, it’s heartbreaking I am going through the same, I lost my Bella she was 3 and a half and was limping and they diagnosised her with cruciate ligament but an x-ray revealed it was oesteosarcoma. It’s been 7 weeks and I don’t seem to be coping any better 😥
My 13 year collie is on and end of life phase now. I dread that moment and trying hard to prepare myself. I read your post and just wanted to reach out to say I hope you are ok.
I’m so sorry….I just went through this with my rottie Mina.
She was 8 and I was sure she’d slipped a disc exercising. The MRI showed spinal osteosarcoma. My other dog Ella is keeping me from crying all the time, but I miss Mina to no end. If it’s any help, talk to people who knew her. The empathy and support I’m getting from people in town who always saw us but we never talked to has been very touching. They’re going out of their way to ask what happened. Be honest, and it’s okay to cry. I’m a 58 year old guy and I’ve been doing it the last two days. A big hug for you, and I hope that some time down the road there are more good memories and smiles than hurt and tears. All my best…
I lost both of my cats within a year of each other. I’ve been through a lot of deaths in my life..My mom died when she was young and I was 12 but through the years with other (human) deaths I learned to block it out in ways. I adopted 2 cats who became like my kids as I’m not married with no kids. When they both had to be euthanized I took off work for a week each time. I’m still dealing with it..my other just passed Jan. 9. 2023. So depressed..
I’m going through a hard time right now.
My Boston terrier diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and we had to put him down a few days ago.
I never imagined it is going to be that hard. I’m very depressed and I miss my dog.
I lost my Siamese of 18 years and feel an enormous vacuum in my life and the pain seems unbearable—I find I’m anxious and needing time alone… hoping I’ll have some sign she is ok although I have no clear sense of an afterlife for animals. Somehow our bond seemed beyond human connection and I can’t imagine anything could replace that bond. Life feels pretty raw right now.
Reading your stories has helped me in that I just had to put my Macy down this afternoon. She was 13, and I found it so hard to make a decision. The vet helped. She was having trouble breathing because she has a mass of cancer in her throat, her elbow was infected, and we were having to wrap her elbows every other day at the vet. This morning her breathing was twice as labored. She was trying to sleep holding her head up, which was so sad. Even though she was eating, etc., the vet was afraid she would suffocate while at home, which is a horrible death. I would not be able to pick her up to get her anywhere if she had a crisis, as she weighs 65 pounds and I need back surgery. It was a living hell taking her to the vet with her thinking she would be coming home. I have just been wailing and crying since then, and just wanted to share with others who know this pain. I live alone, so it is even harder. Although logically I know it was best, I feel lots of guilt that she appeared ok. At this moment, I feel like I just am so lonely and don’t want to go on…not suicidal, but overcome with grief. She is my third dog in 35 years, but I was closest to her. I know the pain will go away, but in the meantime you just wanna die. In addition, I just retired in May, so I became much closer to Macy in this time. In addition, my husband and I have been fighting immigration for 11 years to get him over here and still he is not here. Sorry to vent so much, but I also know it helps others to know that other people feel your pain and understand the love for a pet. God bless all of you, and I pray you heal soon.
I know how you feel..the bond. My pug was getting old, had diabetes since 5 now and gave him insulin twice a day for 7 years. Sweetest dog you can imagine, beautiful soul. Lately he’s just fell apart, not eating here and there then recently throwing up and losing weight, shimmering at times as if in pain..I keep telling myself after what I did today at the vet that maybe I could have given it a couple more days, but it felt like a repeating record after the stroke plus I think cancer. I’ve cried myself dehydrated it seems. It sure is painful. It is hard for me to comprehend mortality for such an amazing beautiful dog. He loved licking and one time when I had anxiety he could tell something was wrong and licked my face demanding I feel better. I kept thinking of that, and other scenarios as today plays on. As I lay in bed I wonder can I sleep, why isn’t he here right next to me? It feels unfair.
I’m so very sorry to hear about your cats. What a huge loss, and in such a short period of time too. I hope you are doing okay. I had to have my sweet cat Marcello euthanized in October and I am still so devastated. Like you I’m single without kids so it was just the two of us for years and he was my best friend. I can’t believe I will have to live the rest of my life without him. It seems unfathomable. It is so isolating because pet loss is really minimized culturally. Like you, I had a parent die when I was young, and for me this experienced of my cat’s death is bringing up echoes of all the other deaths I’ve experienced. It all feels so magnified.
Making that decision to have your pet euthanized is very difficult and heart wrenching. But it is always better to do it before your pet is in uncontrollable pain. I had to have my cat, Minz, put to sleep this morning. She died while I held her cradled in my arms. I miss her terribly. Of the five cats I had in my life, she was the sweetest. To add to the agony, I inherited Minz. She was my Mom’s cat until my Mom died. Minz lived to be eighteen years old. She died of Osteosarcoma which had spread to her lungs. I am trying to hold onto all of the amazing memories I have off her. I know she loved me and she knew that I loved her.I am sure all of us did the very best we possibly could for our “Sweeties”.
I lost my Isabel. She was a short hair dachshund. She was my baby girl. She was 9 months old. She had blood in the lungs, she stopped breathing. I lost my little darling. My soul is inconsolable. I will go to my grave with this sorrow.
I’m so sorry for your loss. We had to put our beautiful deaf short haired dachshund to sleep yesterday due to diabetic complications. Shewas in the ER for 6 days and fought so hard it broke my heart. She was my baby and I feel so lost without her.
I lost my sweet Harper last Tuesday.
We’d been fighting bilateral ear infections (she’s always had trouble with t m since she was a pup) and I just thought it was the ears bothering her so bad.
She got sick a couple of times and stopped eating. Very lethargic on Tuesday morning so I rushed her to the vet. She had advanced kidney failure. And I was left with no choice.
I feel so guilty not recognizing it. And guilt over how she would be here by herself while I was a work feeling so bad.
She was the dog my Mom got me to keep us both company as I was her in home caregiver. I lost my last parent in my Mom in 2019. And now my last link it her and my little furry girl is gone as well.
What couple of friends I do have, we don’t talk much.
And what little family I do have left (extended) offered a soft condolence and hasn’t checked in on me sense.
I feel so alone, and that’s never bothered me before.
Justin, so many losses- I am so sorry- and the connection you had and will always have with your Harper will always be with you. I hope you have some sunny days ahead and can think about the wonderful memories you had with her.
Dear Justin,
I’m so sorry for your losses during the past couple of years. I won’t go into my story, but I totally understand your feelings of guilt, and I know what a terrible feeling that is. The ONLY consolation is that our beloved animals aren’t feeling any pain anymore – that’s the only thought that gives me comfort. I should not have subjected my poor kitty to a surgery that I thought was going to help her, and I feel awful about it. So I know how bad guilt is, and I share that feeling with you. Time will help some. You sound like a very good person, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take care.
It is so real. thank you for your comments.
My dog sophie was 14 and died at the end of September. She fell into to pond behind my house and drowned. I am still grieving about it. My parents had her before I was born. Your artical gave me some good tips on grieving trouble. Thank you.
So sorry to hear about your beloved loss. My beloved passed away on 30 June and it’s now 28 September and I am heart-broken at times. I keep playing the 1946 song, Time After Time, with Shirley Bassey singing and although it is very emotional fir me, somehow, there is a release from the intense pain.
So sorry to hear about your beloved loss. My beloved passed away on 30 June and it’s now 28 September and I am heart-broken at times. I keep playing the 1946 song, Time After Time, with Shirley Bassey singing and although it is very emotional for me, somehow, there is a release from the intense pain.
My boy (kitty)passed on in March after taking care of me for 21 years. My husband was a career military man and even though he’s retired now I spent more years with my furball. I still can’t eat and don’t sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time. I grew up with pets and had several as an adult. I can’t seem to get over not having my boy.
Justin, Jesus Christ loves you, never doubt that !!!
HE intends for you to enjoy eternity with Him & your dog !!! HE gives us good gifts because HE loves us so much. You WILL be reunited with your dog again !!! No doubt about that !!! The book of Psalms in God’s Bible will comfort you now. In it God tells us how much HE loves us, how important you are to HIM. I just lost my doggie Teddy Bear last week. I am grieving now also. This I know, I will be with Teddy again, I am very positive. God loves us & HE wants to give us our loved ones because HE knows how important they are to us & we are important to HIM.
May the universe bring you peace and comfort. I am so very sorry for all of the terrible losses that you have endured. My 14 year old dog, my baby, Lily, died in my husband’s arms 2 days ago… hours before I returned from a 10 week-long trip to visit my family in the UK. I am utterly devastated. I pray that time will heal this unbearable pain. For all of us who have lost our beloved fur babies 💔
I’m in the U.K. but found all the comments so helpful . Lost my beautiful jack russell five weeks ago , I rescued him eleven years ago and he never left my side , heartbroken , he slept on my bed and was so happy , now I sleep on the sofa too painful not to wake up to his happy face
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sharon. We lost our beloved tabby fisher, whom was only 7 years old, our family is devastated, I have no appetite, I want to be strong for him.
Such sad stories . Feel for you all so much. I lost my 15 1/2 year old black lab Ruby a month ago today. Still feeling empty and heartbroken. A year ago we still had both our dogs. Then our 8 1/2 year old choccie lab was killed in a tragic accident in March. Home just doesn’t feel like home anymore!
Very sorry for your loss,I pray you find peace and strength to get through this difficult time and know that you are not alone
So sorry for your loss. Our dog was put to sleep on 10/23 I am so sad and feeling depressed. I miss him so much, he was 14 I had him since he was 9 weeks. It’s tough. I hope you will feel better I don’t have any advice since I’m grieving too. The only thing I can say is our babies are not suffering and hopefully running free and happy. Take care.
I lost my pug on June 3rd. Misagi was 13 1/2 I’m devastated. I cry a lot and I’ve lost weight. I have no kids so she was my “little girl.” I feel like my heart has been torn out she died in my arms.
So sorry for your loss. Your description of your heart being torn out is exactly how I feel. I lost my baby 1 week ago, and the pain is unbearable at times. I pray the intensity of it gets better in time.
Hi Cary We put our little baby to sleep this morning. She too was our baby as we are child-free. I feel your pain. I cannot think there will be a day that I do not feel this intense pain as though my heart is being stood upon… it is comforting knowing that there are others who feel about their fur babies the way I do… thinking of you…
Praying for you and sending positive vibes.
I’m so glad I found this article, many people don’t understand the intensity of the feeling of loss. I tried to be happy with your Christmas for my family but it was just a facade. It helps to hear others talk about their guilty of not spotting the signs and the overwhelming sense of loss. I miss my little Rico so bad.
My heart goes out to you. I just had to put my 15 yr-5m old Barkley a Pug to sleep this past Thursday. What a heart breaking experience. I cry several times a day uncontrollable ly. It hurts so badly and I just feel lost without him.
Think of all the precious moments you spent together throughout the years.
I just lost my Maltese little boy. Does the heartache ever end?
Yes, eventually the memories will make you smile. Give yourself the time to feel what you want to feel. Pets are a blessing, and you have been blessed.
Articles like this are total bullshit and only make me feel worse. The fact is that I grieve more for my pets than I did for my parents, and that makes me a really bad person in society. None of the mindfullness, self-kindness, and other nonsense works.
Glad to see you publish an article on grieving the loss of a pet. I know a lot of people who are seriously affected by this. One friend went into deep depression after her dog died. Thanks for publishing this.
Mark, thank you for your comments. We love our pups so!
Thank you for this article, I’m so devastated & heartbroken by the sudden loss of our King Charles Cavalier, I do feel some people don’t understand the loss of a precious little guy, the timing of reading this was what I needed . Thanks again, Terry Wynter
So true- Terry- I am sure your precious pup was very well-loved, and I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for this info. It’s good for pet lovers to know their feelings are validated and they are not alone. I just lost my baby Charlie 5 days ago and my heart is shattered.
Kelly, my heart goes out to you- it is so difficult to lose our pets. I hope that Charlie’s memories are ones that will continue to always make you smile!
I lost the love of my life almost two weeks ago. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt this pain. I’ve lost a mother a father a brother aunts uncles grandparents, friends and other pets. But this death is the worst grief of my life. She was my everything. 24/7, just us. I’m 58, childless, retired, my entire life revolved around her. She was a retired racer. Greyhound owners know this unique bond. Like no other. And osteosarcoma, so common in Greyts, stalks them more than most breeds. The 6 years I had with her (she was 4.5 when she left the track) were the best years of my life. Can’t see ever having another dog. Pray for me. Thank you.
I lost the love of my life almost two weeks ago. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt this pain. I’ve lost a mother a father a brother aunts uncles grandparents, friends and other pets. But this death is the worst grief of my life. She was my everything. 24/7, just us. I’m 58, childless, retired, my entire life revolved around her. She was a retired racer. Greyhound owners know this unique bond. Like no other. And osteosarcoma, so common in Greyts, stalks them more than most breeds. The 6 years I had with her (she was 4.5 when she left the track) were the best years of my life. Can’t see ever having another dog. Please Pray for me. Thank you.
Thoughts go to you Kelly..
I too lost my baby boy Charlie and actually came across this page now because I still break down in tears a year later
Thanks, Doctor Connor. We know a lot of people who have struggled mightily after the loss of a pet. This is good info!
It is just SO hard to lose our animals who love us so much. thank you for reading, and I am glad it is helping some other readers.
Thank you for this, Dr. Connor. We know many friends who have struggled with the loss of a pet.
yes, agreed-we love our pets!
We just lost our beloved, sweet, thirteen and a half year old dog…my husband and myself are absolutely devastated by her loss….such feelings of sadness, loneliness and absolute holes in our hearts. I think the worst part was having her in my arms for forty minutes while she was having seizures and taking her last dying breaths on the way to 24 hour emergency hospital.
The visual just keeps replaying. So painful.
Patti- I am so sorry- It is so difficult. Although of little comfort to you right now, I am so glad you were there to comfort her. I hope you have the most wonderful memories!
Hi Patti I really empathize with you as I am going through something very similar. On a Tuesday I made an appointment to euthanize my cat on Thursday. I was planning to spoil her for 2 days and spend quality time with her, since she seemed perfectly stable. After 1 day she had some kind of awful attack which was likely a stroke, and was acting erratically, having trouble breathing and within minutes losing her ability to walk.
I rushed her to the ER to be put down and I can’t get that image out of my mind of the tiny oxygen mask on her face as she lay in my arms like a baby, before they gave her the injection to put her to sleep. I feel like I have PTSD and I can’t let go of guilt that she suffered.
Just found this article. Lost my collie 14 years old. We had him for 10 of those years. I was on vacation and am riddled with guilt. I left him with my older boys and our other dog, his best friend. I find myself trying to place blame. Myself for not realizing my boys were busy and only fed and watered them. Only walked them once in 5 days. Although, he was showing signs of decline I feel I (them) could, should have done more. I should have realized he was closer than I thought and made other arrangements. I am trying desperately to have peace about my emotions but it is so hard right now. I pray everyday he didn’t suffer. I am now only realizing how good of a friend he was to me. A friend like him I will never have again. God Bless my baby.
Hey May. I feel bad that nobody replied to your post. I know how you feel. My dog was only 4 years old and died what seemed an excruciating death from 1080 poisoning. She howled, screamed and gnawed her teeth over about 15 minutes. So horrible to witness. I just held her closely thinking she may hurt herself and begging her not to die. Unfortunately she did while I was driving to the vet. Things are slowly improving on the emotional side. Still have sad days as she was a farm dog that I did everything with. I really miss her. Bottom line is that you will start to feel better. Just give it time. Take care.
I feel so bad having to witness that horrible death of your sweet dog. I had to put my sweet Macy down today and am feeling lots of guilt. When in a decline, you never know when is the right time. It has been some months for you. I hope you are doing better and am looking forward to the time when I can think of Macy without falling apart. Prayers…
I lost my parents and and it was so emotional it is so different when you lose your pet you look everywhere in the house expecting to see them and you think you hear them it is always hardest for those left behind. Knowing there in a better place helps I know it’s hard and the grief will ease in time may God bless you all
Thank you for this article. My boycat is still here for the moment, but age 18, his health has seriously and suddenly deteriorated to where he is lame and has to be carried everywhere. The vet had no answers for us, even after numerous tests. It appears my husband and I are going to have to make some hard decisions soon and I am just devastated. I want to do what is right for my cat. I view him as my child.
Dee, it is so difficult- I am so sorry- but I am also so thankful that you brought your boycat into your family and have loved him so much!
I just lost my 18 year old cat last week. She died beside me in bed with her head on my arm. Thank you for your article.
Oh Liz, I am so sorry! The love she must have given you – – and you to her. I am thankful you were right there holding her. Our thoughts are with you.
my 17 year old “child” passed on the 26th. My beautiful orange boy (cat) pure joy for 17 years. i feel like my soul was ripped out through my feet and i was thrown off a cliff and told here is a new life to live..one i dont recognize…Fireball…you were my world and I thank you forever and love you forever. please visit me.
Thank you for sharing with us, Susan. Fireball! what a wonderful name for an awesome memory you will always have in your companion of 17 years. We are with you in your grief.
Susan, I just lost my Koda Bear of 19 years ( He was a Bengal Cat ). I had to make the most difficult decision of helping him move on, so he wasn’t suffering any more. He had diabetes, kidney failure, hardening of his heart muscles, a tumor in his chest, and neuropathy. He was a fighter til the end, and still wanted to be with me. I feel severe guilt, and like you, as if my heart & soul have been ripped from me. I feel totally lost. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone on this path, and we will see them again someday. They are with us, and loving us.
Totally agree, mark- so sorry for your loss of Koda Bear as well. As hard as it is to let them go, I am so very Thankful you could help him be pain-free.
I am surprisingly handling the loss of my 14 yr old rescue Border Collie better than I expected (it’s been only a week). I literally thought it would crush me. The problem that I’m having is after getting her ashes back. I am a little weirded out by it. It saddens me to look at the wooden urn and I just don’t know where I should put it. I didn’t know this would be the most difficult part. It’s causing me a lot of distress.
Gwen, that is a difficult day indeed. I hope you will think of her favorite places and pick one– so that you can put her ashes there and think fondly of her every time you visit that “Spot”
Lost my 16 year old Gibbs yesterday. We had spent all our time together since I always worked from home. I am so devastated that I feel I have nothing to live for. I can’t stop crying and praying for help to get me beyond this. I have a husband who is also hurting but continues with his routines. I know they say that time is the answer but I’m getting more depressed with each passing moment.
Barbara, it is SO hard- everyone grieves in his/her own way, we know this to be very true- please be patient with yourself.
I lost my dearest life friend Kisa, my pet cat, in February and I find these expressions rewarding to read. I had a sympathetic vet and pet sitter who were very fond of my cat and helped me with their kindness. Also looking at photos of cats and dogs in pet shelters, brings her closer to me which I want, I don’t want to lose those love feelings I had for her. I have pictures of her in every room and bought some beautiful gold frames to put them in. You have to make your own rituals, it was her and me against the world, I owe her so much, I hope she felt how much I loved her. She was 14 or 15 nearing her next birthday. I feel guilty all the time and want to know why she got intestinal cancer. I could have made her good fresh food every day instead of feeding her those dry pellets, I could have kept the heat down and stopped her from laying on the registers, these are things I worry may have brought it on and it was aggressive. She was tough and handled it, but I also wish I had put her to sleep a couple weeks sooner, to prevent the last few days of vomit and not eating or drinking. I’m glad she passed away at home on my lap. She was a fine, beautiful cat and a lap cat to the nth degree.
My dog lizzie lauren of 17 yrs passed away today she was a collie she was always there for me from my migraine headaches to starting college to get my ged she passed away at 4:53 today even going through wisdom teeth surgery now i am extreemely depressed heartbroken
Barbara,
I too had a Gibbs, a 12 year old chocolate beagle that was the sweetest kindest soul. I had to say goodbye to him 3 weeks ago and even though I had time to prepare, even though I did the best for him his entire life, especially when he was diagnosed – all the facts and attempts to show myself compassion go out the window and it hits my like a tsunami of grief & loss. Less than a year ago I lost my other Beagle Daisy who was my soulmate. Gibbs helped me carry on. Now I feel so lost without purpose. My one consolation is a dog parent’s duty of unconditional love: I know their years seemed short but for a dog’s age they do live a long life. Imagine where they could have ended up before we gave them a warm loving home. I lived in fear of losing Daisy probably bc I lost my own mom when she was 6. Daisy had abandonment issues and she was rescued and taking from her mother early do she was very attached to me. During Covid she had spleen surgery and 14 and had a blood clot and went into cardiac arrest. I couldn’t see her and it was the longest she was ever away from me and I blame myself thinking she died of a broken heart. My only blessing is that she didn’t outlive me and have to deal with this pain I feel. We say we’d walk thru hell for them and in may ways we do. I am so sorry for you and your Gibbs and hope one day to find another live to save.
Thank you so much for this comforting article. I lost my beloved 10 year old Poppy after she was hit by a car 2 days ago. I can’t eat, sleep as all I see is her lying there. My heart is broken and I keep having major anxiety attacks that are scaring me. Reading this article has made me realise that I am experiencing normal grief and over time the physical pain will hopefully lessen in magnitude. I have also realised that I am not alone.
Oh Emma, I am so sorry- you are SO very not alone in your grief. Our heart goes out to you for your loss.
We just lost our beautiful feisty Cairn terrier, Mia. We were blessed to have her for almost 17 years come Sept 7th. We had to euthanize her on my birthday due to a decline in her health. I sang and talked to her that morning telling her that I loved her and what a good girl she was. I held her near my chest so she could feel my heart beat. It has been extremely difficult for my husband and I. Thanks for this article it validated our grief.
Aww, what a great morning she had- I am so sorry for your loss, Marissa.
I lost my kitty recently and it hard. But because of this article I fell i can move forward with healing
Julie, we are so sorry about your kitty.
Dr. Connor
3 years ago I took in a little grey and white female kitten as a stray who was just a few months old.
Since then we have grown to love her and she depended on me for everything, and she followed me everywhere.
She would never go to the road and when I would pull in the driveway, she would come from the big field behind the house to greet me and wait for me to go in the house.
One day she saw a rabbit appear from the back of the house across the road and go into a bush. She went in the road in the other lane and wouldn’t move, admins I screamed and screamed at her. But,she didn’t realize the danger. A car came speeding and didn’t even slow down. She finally lunged back toward the house but couldn’t make it and she was killed instantly. And even after 6 weeks I see it over and over and have been a mess ever since. I have been depressed and don’t think I have smiled since. I don’t want to visit relatives and friends, and it has affected my marriage. I loved this little can’t so much. I don’t know if I can ever move on from this. I am thinking about trying counseling.
Joel, the loss is REAL. I absolutely believe in counseling – and it might be a wonderful thing for you – to help in processing this traumatic experience as well as the loss of your sweet cat.
Thank you for this article. We said good-bye to our beloved 15 year old dog last Tuesday and I’m experiencing many of the physical symptoms you listed above. We are fortunate that our family and friends have been supportive in our loss, but my heart is just physically hurting and I feel just so exhauseted and drained. Even though I want to cry ( I cried my eyes out since last Tuesday to Sunday), I feel like I physically cannot cry anymore. This is so hard. I miss my best friend terribly.
Nikki, I am so sorry – it is so difficult- I am so sorry for your loss – and 15 – wow! what a life!
Thank you for a very helpful article. My beloved dog, Molly, passed away May 29. Some days I still struggle with overwhelming sadness that seems will never go away. Knowing I am “normal” gives me some peace.
Cynthia, you are very normal in your grief- and I hope the memories of your sweet Molly will help you as you always remember her.
Though been 3 months I’m struggling without my Cheynia. Heart broke loosing my companion love she gave me 24/7. I’m so empty without her. Without joy,sun pleasure gone.
Sheila, I am so sorry- our companions are so wonderful and it is so hard to say goodbye to them.
On Tuesday July 13,2021 my dog papi of 13 years was killed by another one of my dogs and I never thought i’d feel the pain of losing a pet let alone him. I haven’t stopped crying and feeling the way i am since tuesday and my family tells me i need to let him go and make peace with the fact that he’s gone and in a better place now.
He used to suffer from spontaneous seizures and i always knew that one day he’d leave but never did i think he’d leave the way he did, it happened in my room in front me and i tried everything i could to save him but i wasn’t able to and i don’t know if i’ll ever feel ok again because every time i think i’m doing better i start thinking of the incident or him and i start crying. Reading this article really made me realize that it’s ok to grieve the loss of a pet and that i shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I wish it was easy to move on..
To all of you in these comments who lost a pet, im so sorry for your loss and you’re not alone many of us know exactly how you feel.
It is so hard, and I am just so sorry.
On June 26,3 weeks from today, I lost my beloved Buchon Frise Bosco. He was 14 years old and in excellent physical health. He was recovering from a cystonomy to remove kidney stones he had done on the 13th of June, and had been dismissed from his restrictions on the 24th of June. He was very energetic and you would never known he had surgery. The next day after his post surgery visit I noticed he was not himself that evening and the next day Saturday evening I asked if he wanted to go to the park which always made him happy and he looked at me with no excitement. I took him to the park anyway to potty around 6 and he seemed his usual self. We stayed about 40 minutes sitting while my daughter jogged. She came and picked him up and we walked to the car and as usual I began to clean his pads with wipes. He made a grunt noise quietly and we just thought oh, he must have had a surgical pain. We got into to the car and he sits in my lap but he is limp with his head on my shoulder as I’m driving and I notice it’s getting worse as I drive. I ended up taking him to the emergency vet and they couldn’t resuscitate him. I am so sick, devastated and heart broken over this. He was healing so well. His vet is so upset and surprised. She was crying and couldn’t believe it. I am physically ill and my stomach feels like I’m on a roller coaster everyday. I’m in shock. He was supposed to be here.
Natoka, I am SO very sorry for the loss of your sweet pup – it is so hard to lose our family members who are our animal companions.
With a shattered heart, I said goodbye to my best friend, Chester, a 19 yr old silver tabby with diabetes and other problems. Almost a year ago he became less active, had difficulty walking, and no bladder control. I knew I had to put him down due to his style of life. Last week, he stopped eating, had no energy. He could barely say, meow. I knew then it was time and I didn’t want him to suffer. After the procedure and the vet said, he was gone, my heart crashed at that instant. I’ve been thru terrible grief in my life but this was nothing like it. He was my side kick for 19 years and now he’s gone. The anxiety, stress, depression, grief, guilt and loneliness was unbearable. I’ll try to get better for my lil boy.
Wow- what a life! You and your Chester were so fortunate to have each other for so long- you must have some incredible memories! I am so sorry for your loss of him ——may those memories live on! and on…and on!
I just put my 17 year old dachshund down due to prostate cancer. This decision was the best due to Milo could no longer pee or poop like normal. He had lost about 5 pounds due to not drinking water. I just feel guilty.
Sharyn, we are fortunate in that we can make the decision to allow our animals to go peacefully—and to not suffer… I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Milo and I hope that you can try to let go of the guilt you feel (as you do not need to feel guilty at all- you gave the kindest act you could have!)—and I hope that you have wonderful memories!
I just lost my dog Lana recently
Willie, I am so sorry about Lana – hopefully the awesome memories will help you as you process through the grief.
I lost my beloved pet of 3 years due to a traffic accident. although the accident was not mu fault all i can think about is how I could have protected him better. I will never have a pet in a car without proper restraints ever again, in fact I think it should be a law.
I wrote a letter to my lost pet. He is buried in the backyard and I spend most of my day there mourning him.
Things have been getting better but your article is correct most people do not understand someone greiving a pet. I tell them it hurt me as much as losing any other family member.
Thank you for a wonderful article
You are right- they ARE family members, and it is so hard to lose them- I hope you have wonderful memories, Mark!
This post was truly worthwhile to read. I wanted to say thank you for the key points you have pointed out as they are enlightening.
Thanks Lynda- I sure hope the read is worth it for those of us who love our animal companions sooooo much 🙂
Thank you for this article. My grief and guilt is sometimes unbearable. I lost my Lil German Shepherd, Lola Jean 7-29-21, we just had her first birthday on the 22 of July. She was in her first heat cycle and got the beginning of a uterus infection. The vet recommended surgery and said it was safe. Her heart stopped after they sewed her up. She was in perfect Heath, so I know it was the anesthesia. I just feel like it’s all my fault because I had a premonition something was going to happen and topped it off to my mom anxiety. I wish I could change that day. So much guilt. I lied to her and said ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you and you’ll be ok’. My tomorrow will never come.
Michelle, I am just SO sorry. You could have never known that would happen to Lola Jean – the pain is real and so many others share this with you- as it just hurts so much to lose your family member.
I just lost my 18 year old Chihuahua on Sunday. I knew it was coming but I didn’t want to accept it. She was diagnosed with Kidney disease only a few weeks ago. The worst part is she was at my mother in laws while we were on vacation. They called while she was still alive and said that she had not been well the last few days and I said take her to the vet! They called back 5 minutes later and said she had passed. I feel so guilty. She was alone. I should have been holding her. She was my first child, best friend, everything to me. I can’t eat, sleep or stop crying.
I’m so glad I came across this article, even more glad to read the comments. We had to have our cat euthanized(unexpectedly) last week and I have been absolutely paralyzed since then. I cry all day on and off and can barely get out of bed. I think I’ve surprised myself(I know my husband is surprised) with the depth of my sadness and feeling of loss. He was only 5….I guess I thought we’d have him around another 10 or so years. To all of you who have experienced this grief, just know you’re not alone and the grief is REAL! I know in time I will get better. We all will.
Thanks for this article, altho i dont think it will help me get on the other side of my loss. I keep crying and i feel so weak i cant get thru simple tasks. I have 2 other dogs but losing zoey was unexpected. I was doing all i could for her but somehow i failed her. She was diagnosed diabetic 5 months ago. Her blood glucose was over 600. I should have been testing her forn4 months but cpuldnt being myself to make her bleed. Finally, after glucose curves at the vets kept showing high readings (between 300 and 400) and it seemed as if she was insulin resistant, i finally got over that concern and started testing her. Had i been doing this all along, maybe i could have controlled her blood glucose better. But after 5 months she was refusing food. Then we noticed the yellowing of the skin. After bloodwork was done we found super high liver enzymes. In the 1400s! So, the following day i had her euthanized to keep her from suffering thru liver failure. I am just sick. I have thrown up, cant seem to quit crying and my heart aches. I am so weak i cant even stand to do my dishes. I cant eat. Cant cook. And im alone. How can i help myself? She was euthanized on tuesday and this is thursday. Thanks.
I just my beloved dog Harrison, he was 11 years old , my daughter adapted him from shelter 9 years ago , and since them he became part of our family. Harrison was very lover , and he loved by any one who new him . Harrison was very healthy and very energetic until couple days before he got sick in stomach, that where we took him to the vet emergency clinic, and put IV on him , but he couldn’t make it , so next day when we went to see him , doctor told us that Harrison couldn’t make it and unfortunately passed away . I am so sad and heartbroken by his death , and his death still make me crying, can’t forget it . Thank for your beautiful advice, it made me much more better.
I am so sorry to read about Harrison, what a wonderful family member!
I lost both of my beloved cats within 2 hours of each other on 8/16/21. Stripes Leilani my 9 yr. old Tabby/Persian was battling autoimmune disease, I was praying her medical treatments would help her, I was to take her that morning @ 9:00 for her appt. At 7:00 I gave her her meds and was feeding my beautiful Black Angora Rain Lily her breakfast. I quickly showered and went into my bedroom and screamed at the top of my lungs …my Rain Lily was dead on the floor. I tried to give her CPR but she was gone. I held her in my arms and wailed….this was a nightmare. My sister came over to comfort me, we still had to take Stripes to the vet. I wrapped Rain in her favorite blanket and put her in a linen covered box. Once at the vet we received the worst possible news, Stripes red blood cell count dropped even further to 10…I had to let her go…my heart was shattered again..
I cried all the way home….when I returned home I put Stripes in the same box with Rain and wrapped their arms around each other with a rosary and an angel pin. My sister helped me bury them under the honeysuckle bush in my back yard. My vet surmised Rain threw a blood clot, saying that cats are bonded together very much like people and often pass shortly after one dies. Of course none of that comforts me, I am a grown woman and my heart is shredded …I have lost both my fiancee and Mother in the past 4 yrs but they were a constant source of love for the past 9 yrs. This pain is primal and raw….the depression and loss I feel for them and the guilt, the what if, what did I miss…I will carry their love in my heart forever. Our fur babies and the love we share with them is pure. God Bless every who has suffered the loss of their beloved companion.
We recently just lost our sweet girl. She was a 15 year old chihuahua.
I got her when I was just 14 years old. 5 years ago I moved to Germany for schooling and she stayed behind with my mom. I would visit every 4 months and I cherished every moment with her. A couple days ago she started coughing really bad and my mom rushed her to the emergency vet.
She was diagnosed with advanced heart failure and my mom had to put her to sleep all alone. It was a nightmare. I feel so hopeless and torn to pieces that I wasn’t there with her during her last moments. She was my little soulmate and she meant so much to me.
I feel completely empty and it’s hard to accept that she is actually gone.
I also don’t feel that people around me take my loss seriously and and act as if I should just move on with life as if her loss wasn’t significant.
I lost my cat of 9 years yesterday, due to illness. She was in for an emergency operation but never came home. She helped me through so many things and most of all my abusive relationship for 9 years. I have finally found happiness with my new partner of 18 months and we now have a 6 month old daughter. I just wish she could have had longer to spend in our new happy life as a family. I will miss her dearly, I have never felt pain like this. Everything is a constant reminder.
Thank you for writing/sharing this post. I lost my pup (12 yrs old) today. I had no idea how debilitating and all consuming grief can be. I have lost pets before and I did grieve but because of the busy life I led when raising my family it never felt quite like this. Now I live alone
And the grief is monstrous. Earlier today I felt so empty it was hard to breathe. This article gave me a little more perspective and I’m so appreciative.
We are so sorry for your loss Allyson– yes, the grief is REAL.
On 28th February our sweet little tabby puss Louley was attacked by a dog whilst the owner watched then walked away. I found my sweet girl screaming in the hedge next door. Her back was broken, she had been shaken and she later died from a bleed on the brain at the vets. There is nothing in the UK law that can be done to the dog owner, because cats do not have any protection. I have never known grief like it. Shortly afterwards, I developed heart rhythm problems which are ongoing and still being investigated, I know my heart was broken. No one is recognising the link between the two, and I’m so so tired. I have no fight left in me. I will never forget her screaming, I relive it every time I leave our house.
I am just so sorry, Bridget. that is absolutely terrible, and I am So incredibly sorry you are dealing with this.
I’m on your side Bridget, the dog and its owner should be punished. Take care of yourself first, get well and feel the love you shared with your puss Louley, in spite of the horrible thing that happened. I despise what happened but your cat was lucky to have you and vice versa.
I lost my beloved Ginger August 28th. She was 17 1/2 years old. A shitzu chihuahua mix. She was my little angel. I am still completely heart broken. I feel so extremely sad and depressed. I work from home so she has been by my side for her entire life. She Went everywhere with me. No matter what I do..remember all the good and fun times makes me sadder and miss her even more. I feel lost, lonely, depressed and physically ill. Still cry. I know she had a great life with me but I miss her so much. My life feels empty. I miss her big button eyes always keeping an eye on me. I miss carrying her in my arms. I miss her in my bed. In my truck. Right beside me always. I am struggling hard to move on. Nothing is working. Nothing makes me smile anymore…
Today I lost my Kitten. She was 5 months old. I was nurturing her when she was 2 days old. Her mother died after giving birth to her. I was very close to their mother. I cried a lot everytime I see her photo I cry. Now, when I come up with her loss. This happened. My baby my lil Lily leave me all alone. How shellfish she was. She didn’t even think of me . How will I survive. Without her. We play together, sleep together. Last night I showed her sky, bat, stars. We were so happy.
Now, I can’t Stop grieving. I m so lost. I want her back. I just want to hug her for one last time.
I lost my dog, my handsome boy Ernie, 10 days ago and I am shattered. I cannot stop crying. He was 11 and 3/4 years old and I thought for sure he’d be around for at least a few more years. He was slowing down a little, but was not acting ill until 2 days prior to his death. He had a huge tumor on his spleen and internal bleeding. The doctors told us it was the worst case scenario-and so we had to let him go. He was my everything, my best friend, my soulmate -pup. I am so upset with myself that I didn’t see this coming- I always told him I would take good care of him. I feel so alone and its so quiet now in my house…he was like a child to me. He was the best pup anyone could ask for. I do feel so lucky to have had him in my life. It comforts me reading all the comments and knowing that I am not usual for grieving him so hard. I hope in time it will get better. Rest in peace my baby boy -mommy will always love you.
Ellen, I am so glad you had Ernie in your life. the grief is real. We are all thinking of you.
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my 11 year old precious dog 3 months ago and I am still having a hard time. Some days are better than others. I just want her back, she died 1 week after a surgery, i just want to understand what happened and I feel I let her down somehow.
I just can’t shake the depression and grief I feel. I never thought it would be this hard.
I am so sorry you lost your girl!! I totally get how you are feeling. I had a very rough first 6 months and just now …almost a year later, I am not crying every day. I still tear up a lot but I now mostly try to remember the good times. But I do still miss my best boy so much. We did get another dog and he’s a good boy. It’s just not the same but he has help me move forward. It will get better -hang in there!!!
I just lost my sweet boy (Orange Tabby) after 19 years. I miss him so much, I can’t stop crying and everything reminds me of him. I feel a range of emotions from guilt to loneliness even though I still have another cat still living. I feel bad for him, he is constantly looking for his beloved friend.. which makes me even sadder..
Babs- It is so hard- I am just so sorry.
We lost our German Shepard to bone cancer April 16, 2021, she was 7 years old. We suffered another devastating loss this past Monday our Siberian Husky Ava was being treated for what seemed to be an upset tummy, she wasn’t eating for a few days, only drinking. X-rays and bloodwork didn’t raise any red flags with our Vet and Sunday she seemed to be perking up and acting more like her sweet silly Husky self. Monday morning she collapsed and we knew there was nothing we could do, she was in distress and died within minutes. She had just had her 8th birthday a few weeks prior. We are so extremely heartbroken, it’s just unimaginable pain. I’m very sorry for everyone’s loss, our fur babies mean the world to us. I’m thankful for the years we had but just in shock over both babies passing. Thanks for the article and to others for sharing your stories.
Sue, we are so sorry to hear this – – – – – – – it is truly SO difficult to lose these animals who are our beloved family members. We hope that your awesome dog family memories will carry you for a bit to make it even a tiny bit easier, although we know it is so very hard — and we are just so sorry.
Sue, I hope you see this note. I do understand the grief, the shock, and the pain of losing both of your beloved dogs so close together. This past October we lost our 8 y/o standard poodle – Joey – to a terrible and aggressive bone cancer. It happened so quickly, and he passed while my husband was rushing him to the emergency vet. I was out of town, and I honestly don’t know what hurts more: the loss, or my not being able to say goodbye. Joey was such an amazing dog, and we had a uniquely special bond. Our older standard poodle – Bosco – who was 13, seemed to be holding steady, but one week after Joey died, Bosco collapsed and suffered a massive grand mal seizure. He’d never had a seizure before, and we found he had a brain tumor. We released him back to God the next day. The shock of losing both of our beloved fur babies has been confusing and all-encompassing. I do so understand the grief you endured, and I do so hope that, one year later, joy has returned and replaced the sadness.
One of the best and my favorite blog ever. Aala stuff and best quality.
thank you! We hope it helps so many people as they grieve their loss of their pets.
Thank you for this article… my dog died a day after my birthday & ive been one denial for some time & wind up hysterically crying at random… this article helped me out & I appreciate things like this 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss. Our dogs mean so much to us and not having them with us is so very difficult. So many people on this thread agree with your feelings- we are just SO very sorry.
I had to put my 18 yr old mini daschund Sheba down Sept. 25th. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and the first time and last time I ever want to experience this. I’m so greatful we had 18 great years, but I never want to have to go through this again. The pain is agonizing.. I’m sure with time, like everything else, it will get easier, but it will never be the same without her.. She was a great dog and I will cherish the memories with/of her and call it quits with getting another one. I could never top her. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you who have left a bit of your stories on here. I’m so sorry for your losses. Be kind to yourselves and know you’re not alone even though it feels like you are. Losing a pet is no different than losing a human member of your family. They ARE family and in many cases, better than some of the human family members. They love unconditionally!❤
This article is exactly what I needed to read. My beautiful boy Mugsy just passed 2 days ago and I’m devastated. He was 1 month shy of his 9 birthday which is long for bulldogs, but I felt like he was special and would live longer. I’ve been crying non stop and see all that you listed as symptoms I’ve been feeling. I feel like I let him down because he choked on his food while I was in another room speaking with family. I’ve blamed everything and everyone I could think of for his loss. Im glad I have small children and my wife that has been nothing less then a saint. She took of work and has been by my side. My kids think I’m a big tough guy and never seen me cry like this before, I hope they learn that it’s ok to cry and grieve. Even in his passing he keeps healing my soul and making me better and I will never forget him, but I just can’t stop crying and praying he shows up one day and this has all been a nightmare. Thank you for this article.
Erick, I know this is months after this is happened to but I want to tell you I’m very sorry for the loss of your baby! My son and his wife lost their English bulldog five days ago and he was only five years old he had nothing but sickness problems since they got him at about three months old but they took care of him just like they had a disabled child my son already has a disability from being in a car accident one week after getting this dog and his name was booger by the way!😭 this dog has been his support therapy dog because he suffers with headaches nonstop chronic daily for five years now he is devastated he will not get out of bed he will not eat and drink when he does get out of bed he walks into every room and collapses on the floor he is so devastated everything reminds him of his poor baby they still have another dog that is also a bulldog and she is fine and she’s also five years old his wife is having to take care of her because my son can’t do anything I’m worried about him having that broken heart syndrome that’s how bad he is bulldogs are the best they’re so cuddly and soft and wanna lay with you all the time I’m sorry to tell you all this but I am grieving also for them because I loved him just as much and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss and my son is 33 years old so he is a grown man !
I just lost my soul dog and my therapy dog Sadie 5 days ago. I rescued her at 4 months old, and she passed at 12 and a half years from sudden spleen enlargement and bleeding in to her abdomen. She was my everything, and I am crushed. I cry constantly, I can not eat or sleep. This is excruciating.
I have spent Thanksgiving Day alone grieving the loss of my 18 yr old kitty Lucy, whom I euthanized two days ago. While she was riddled with medical issues and I feel I did the right thing, I was not prepared for how she fought the injection of the sedative while in my arms. In addition to the grief of losing her, I feel an overwhelming sense of horror that her final moments were so scary and painful. It’s over for her, but somehow I’m not finding much solace in knowing that. I’m hoping in time I can find a way to reconcile it in my head.
Thanks for the article, and to all of you for commenting. It makes me feel less alone in a world where not all understand the intensity of this form of grief.
Love to all of you that have lost.
Thank you for addressing what I’m feeling. Our one-year-old puppy was hit by a car when I was gone for an hour. I didn’t realize how much she meant to me until she was gone. She showed me she loved me many times a day. I gave her kisses and rubbed her tummy. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her. She was so perfect for us in so many ways, playing with the other dogs, rough-housing with our Grandson. I am depressed. I’m a 61 year-old Judge and things aren’t supposed to affect me. Certainly not the death of just a silly dog.
I am so sorry for your loss- dogs are living breathing beings, so not just silly dogs 🙂 and they touch our human hearts in such a special way- and we are forever changed – and always for the better.
I just lost my dearest friend, a 12 year-old black Labrador mix. Rainbow had a huge tumour in her stomach that invaded her liver. I never knew about it even though l had geriatric blood tests done and yearly vaccinations. I never thought of having her get an x-ray, which l regret now. Perhaps something could have been done years ago. Looking back, there were signs of her being in pain that l overlooked but l just thought about how great each day was with her in my life and how much fun we had. Oh how l miss her. I live alone and l can’t see myself with another dog. She was and will always be in my heart. Her name is Rainbow, my sweetie, that l miss so much.
it sounds as though rainbow had so much fun with you also, Judy- I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you for this article. I’m trying to get my hands on anything I can read about grieving for a pet and guilt. My 9 year old Yorkie Zoey was put down after an emergency episode on 12/31/21..while we were on vacation visiting family with her. She was an emotional support pet for my daughter and our family is devastated. My dog had multiple illnesses for the past 3 years..some very serious and we were doing everything we could to keep her going this last year when tumors were found inoperable behind her eyes. She was given 2-4 months and we had her another year. However GI issues she deals with had recently gotten worse and we always suspected a collapsing trachea..and while in Florida she had an episode of gasping for breath (likely due to collapsing trachea) which she could not recover from even with oxygen and medication. She was gasping for air in the animal hospital while in an oxygen chamber and we had no choice but to put her down so she would not suffer unnecessarily. The week before she had a great time..even up to that last day. The event came on suddenly and she did suffer for a few hours, but we were with her in the end. I try to console myself with the fact that her other medical issues were all coming to a head and we honestly were prepared to lose her just not like that and it was TOO SOON..I thought we’d definitely have at least a few more months if not more. Life is cruel..but maybe my baby freed us because we were very tied to her and really could not leave her. Her medical issues needed our constant attention just to keep her going. I am heartbroken over the loss..and guilty that I should have been paying more attention to that collapsed trachea before it actually suffocated her.😢
To your sweet Zoey- it is always too soon, and I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost J.J. this past Monday. He was 7 yo border collie. He was the light of my life. It was unexpected. Cancer. There really wasn’t any other choice. The vet misdiagnosed it as pancreitis or IBC. I loved him so much. I took him to the emergency vet twice in three days.. the last day, he couldn’t stand up. When the vet called and said I had some hard choices, I knew. I was in a parking lot of Costco. It was so unexpected. Up till then, I thought it was a chronic illness. There wasn’t any warning. I dropped to my knees when I told the vet to go ahead and euthanize JJ.. I couldn’t go back and say goodbye. It was beyond me. Now, I can’t seem to stop crying. I have never grieved over a pet like this. JJ was with me all the time. I don’t know how to move on. Everywhere I look I see him. I hear him. What can I do? I am devastated. I can’t stop grieving. I just wish I had more time with him. I just don’t know what to do with me now.
We put our Westie, Bacon, down two days ago. He was four months short of his
13th birthday. He had gone downhill very quickly with a spinal lesion – during the
last week he was paralyzed from waist down. Loss of use of his back legs, urination and defecation. It was heartbreaking, and we had to make the right choice for him. He was a cornerstone of our family – a treasure to our three kids for over twelve years. I know it was the right thing to do, but I have an eighteen pound hole in my heart. It’s going to be awhile for me to handle this loss. Lots of happy heartfelt memories.
cheers to those memories- it is so hard to lose a member of the family….what a treasure Bacon was to you all.
Thank you for this article. On December 31, 2021 we had to say goodbye to our precious Aussie, Valkyrie. She was 15 yrs old so had a long life but it was still so difficult. In February we also had to help her 14 yr old “brother” Nova, a border collie/Catahoula mix, over the Rainbow Bridge due to bone cancer & then in April we had to do the same for her feline brother, Stripey, who developed a sudden & unexpected fatal condition. Additionally, I take care of a colony of ferals at a strip mall & 5 have gone missing, one by one, and now only one is left & we wonder each day if we will see him again. I recently saw a coyote on trail cam footage. 2021 was a heartbreaking & brutal year of way too many animal losses & it truly has taken my breath away. The 4 cats I now have at home are all acting so different & depressed. My sadness is more than likely affecting them too so my goal is to bring them even more love & attention with hopes they hang in there & we all heal together. Having love & compassion for animals is truly a double edged sword but focusing on the good times is the key. And though it’s painful to see others with similar feelings, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone.
My baby, Felda Mae, was diagnosed with advanced chronic kidney failure in early September, 2021. We tried everything to get her to eat the prescribed diet. She refused all of it and we decided to let her eat whatever sounded good to her.
We took her to the park, for car rides, played when she was able and went for walks until she couldn’t. I gave her everything I had in me to make sure she knew she was loved and precious. My best friend. On December 27, it was obvious that it was time to take her to the vet which I had been dreading ever since her diagnosis.
She was alert, even though very sick, which made me feel even more horrible, because I was afraid she was experiencing anxiety and confusion. We told her she was okay, to go to a Jesus and Grandpa and that we loved her so very much. And it was over.
I am in so much pain, yet feel numb and robotic in my functioning.
How will I ever get through this life without her?
I would never want her to continue to suffer, I just wish I had my baby back.
You did the most amazing thing that we are gifted as humans to be able to do for our animals- you did not allow her to suffer. It is so hard, and I am so sorry for your loss.
I just had to put my Sonny Poodle Boy to sleep today. He had a bad, abusive and neglected life before he came to us. He was about 14 years old. We loved him and baby’d him so much. He was my cuddler and woke me up each morning with such happiness. He was my sunshine. He stopped eating last Monday and after all of the bloodwork, X-ray and overnight hospital stay, I brought him home, hoping he would perk up when he was with us. He didn’t. He was suffering so much and I had no other choice. He was the cutest, sweetest poodle. I am crying and I feel pain of missing him. Coming home without him is lonely and sad. These fur babies are such a blessing but oh the pain at the end is unbearable. I wouldn’t trade my time with him for anything but I hope the healing and peace comes soon.
we hope the healing and peace comes for you, Yvonne- and we are so sorry for your loss, what a nice life you gave Sonny!
The article and more so the comments offer me so much solace right now. It’s not been even 24 hours yet that I lost my 13 year old brother, Snowy. He meant the world to me, and now without him everything seems empty. I know my pain is not one of its kind, but it’s crushing me. I’m scared of his memories eventually fading and just a few being left. I’m also a little angry that my family seems to be getting over this loss so quickly and they’re trying to move forward which I feel I can’t so soon. I need more time to mourn my little brother. I want to cry a lot more even though i know it won’t bring him back
Our dear sweet orange tabby Julius (yes, as in Orange Julius) was put down yesterday. Our young daughter who is 9 years old is very sad as are we. Julius found us and we were so lucky to have such a beautiful kind and compassionate friend in our fluffy orang kitty cat. He was such a comfort to my husband during lockdown and literally attended all his work meetings with him (on Zoom). He was intuitive and loved being near us or better, on us. He was in our family for over 13 years. This morning is really hard because he used to wake me up with his purrs. He had been declining quite rapidly and was extremely thin due to eating problems and an abdominal mass. The kind vet who helped us put him down helped us to recognize that she supported our decision to not keep drawing out his life and to end his suffering. We are weeping for you sweet kitty. We will miss him so much. Our other kitties are here to help and keep us on track. Thank you for reading.
Our baby just passed away 2 days ago. He was in my arms. I have been asleep since then. It is too difficult to be awake. Everything reminds me of him. Guilt is the main feeling I keep having though. The last days he was alive really bother me. Do dogs remember their entire life or just focus on the current? I hate that his last few days were in pain, loosing mobility, and my partner and I crying so much. We did the best we could do for him though and laid with him and fed him ice chips. We took turns so he was never alone. He had never liked being alone; he was always around us. He was only 3 1/2 years old. There are more things that make me feel guilty, mostly little things, so I am trying not to focus on those. He did have a good life and he was always such a happy spirit and the sweetest dog I have ever known. Everyone that he had met commented on how sweet he was. He had been there through so much with us and had gotten my partner and I through some of the most difficult times in our lives as both of us had to cope with the loss of loved ones. When my partner’s father passed away, he went with us to Texas and was the light in a dark time. He didn’t know what was going on of course and was his happy self and was a distraction from everything going on and created many good memories with us during the time. He must have known that we were sad and stressed at the time and was there for us. When my Grandmother passed away, him just being here helped me and like always, he gave me a reason to get up each day and to be happy. Taking care of him gave me a purpose and he was such a bright and happy soul. He really was the light of our lives. I told him that many times before he passed. I hate to sound so depressing, it is just how I feel right now. We buried him in our backyard with many of his favorite toys. His name was Nero. He was the perfect dog. My partner and I had raised him from being a pup and he had the best qualities. I feel like the way you treat your animals is the way they become. We treated him basically like a person and both of us were always amazed at how smart he was. He will always be in our hearts
Sorry I found my original comment and I would like to add /update to it. As more time goes on, I have been struggling with regret, pain, and guilt tremendously. I never treated my dog badly but I have high anxiety and was always on him, which I can see was a bit overbearing. Not like in a mean or scolding way I would just stop him or correct him with gestures or just by touching him sometimes (he knew me very well) but it was maybe too much. I had to remind myself that he was not a person sometimes. also, my partner and I seemed to argue more often I think towards the end and he really did not like this. He would always hide right away and be very upset and scared even if my partners tone would slightly change where it wasn’t an argument..maybe he was telling a story or hurt himself working on the car.. Nero would take it very personally and hide as if he were in trouble. But we never yelled at him or physically punished him his entire life .. but it seemed as if he always thought it was directed at him.. of course the right thing to do would be to not do this around him but we did and it makes me feel so horrible. I mean I can’t believe we even argued when he was sick in the end. He didn’t deserve any of that stress especially in the end. Shame on both of us for this. I just am trying really hard to cope or get over this kind of stuff. I also feel like I disconnected myself in the end and was on auto drive… Even so emotionally. This also kills me. It was so hard to deal with.. it just happened. Of course I was there for him but until the very end ifeel like I was not being myself. My partner was though. He’s good at that and making things happy. I just also hope we weren’t too much overall in the end like talking to him so much and trying to calm him down at times. I mean he couldn’t move anymore and I know he hated that and it was scary for him. He looked up at me with a look in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was saying. He wanted me to help him and make things better. This was also so so so very hard… Knowing that he was dying and wasn’t going to get better these last days. There was no hope or future for him and at the time I honestly was hoping that he wasn’t going to have to suffer for too long or be in pain… But then I didnt want him to leave us and felt like I was waiting for him to pass but of course I didn’t want any of this and I didn’t like to think I was even thinking that way. It was very confusing and now I am left with so many negative emotions. I feel sick thinking about any of this. My poor sweet baby who always was so happy and full of life. It all went bye so quickly I don’t think I have fully accepted that he’s gone yet. I still feel like he’s going to be there when I wake up or when I drop food or come inside or go to bed. The whole thing baffles me now. I mean I know what happened but it’s just… I don’t know the right word but it’s like it’s over and he’s gone and he’s not going to come back and I have to accept this but it doesn’t feel right or real. I can’t make changes that I wanted to anymore and think he still has a long life that we have so much time to do things.. holidays birthdays.. a camping trip we always wanted to take him on. I guess I feel like it’s not fair. I can’t believe he’s gone.. literally. Also of course there’s the what ifs… And I should haves in the end. I just accepted what they found but I didn’t ask any questions .. it was like it was known that he either had to be put to sleep or die naturslly because he had already pretty much started the process of not eating and was loosing mobility. But why didn’t I ask questions ? The ones I have now? I feel like I didn’t try to save him. Ok thats enough of my sorrow. I am not a negative person and it’s not like me to sound like this but I feel like I need to hear some real advice. I hope I was not too much I don’t want to make others depressed or have a negative outcome to readers. Hopefully it can help others who might relate.. but if someone would prefer not to post this part publically, please send me a personal response to my email. I just want to add that Nero had a very good life and we loved him with all of our hearts. He was spoiled with many stuffed animals he loved and was so appreciative of every one. He would be so happy and show us how much he loved it all day.. walk around so proud. He was not neglected or abused and I know he had a good life these are just things that bother me as a person and I feel like I could have done better. I just have can’t stop thinking about these things now and I am heartbroken. Thank you so very much for listening to me i know there are support lines but I doubt I will actually do that so I am having my therapy session here (just kidding) and don’t worry I am going to be ok overall and I know this. Ive had anxiety my entire life and am used to myself by now lol. It helps to vent though and to maybe get some advice to help cope and deal with these things rather than dwell on them or just let time pass and hold onto the feelings or thoughts and just let them feel like less but still be there. Thank you again. -Ryan
this is so hard- really, hardest thing when our pets leave us- we are so sorry for your loss – the void is immeasurable
Thank you for writing this. It helps me feel less alone. I lost my baby and best friend, Oxford, almost a week ago. My grief has been agonizing. It was very unexpected and he suffered at the end. The vet had been giving him a clean bill of health at every check up which was every few months as he was in regularly for skin infections. For a while he had been struggling with yeast infections in his skin and the smell was very strong. Yeast infections cause them to get oily and leave behind lots of pungent residue. For this reason, while I was still petting him and spending time with him, I wasn’t holding or cuddling with him as much. The day before he passed we bought $75 shampoo to help (he was already on medication for the yeast infection) and we had him scheduled for a dog dermatologist. I wanted him to not suffer the skin infections for his sake, and I was also looking forward to our regular cuddles again. The next day he died of advanced heart disease, something the vets hadn’t screened for, and therefore had gone undiscovered. Seeing him suffer at the end haunts me. And not having cuddled as much at the end haunts me more. I can’t believe I will never kiss his little head again or hear his little feet tread across my floors. I ache for him and dread living even one more hour without him. I have lost humans in my life, but I’ve never grieved so severely as I have for the loss of my fur baby. I pray I will be with him again one day. I can’t accept any other possibility.
WE are so sorry- the loss is so much. thank you for sharing.
I feel the same. I have lost humans close to me which was life changing sadness, my sweet kitty love was the pet I got when my father died. That grief was a hard process but somehow this grief is next level. I have never felt so much debilitating grief in my life. Its like I lost my father all over again x 3. I don’t know how i am still here and my kitty i spent every waking moment loving and protecting is not. He got outside at night when friends were over. I had no idea he was outside and thought he was just hiding under the bed as became of a more usual as he was getting older. I found my beautiful, happy, healthy, 10 year old sweetest soul I have ever known split wide open eaten by coyotes. Besides the nightmare of that vision itself.. my sweet baby is gone. Abruptly Gone. I don’t know how I will get through this new reality. My kitty and I were so happy and in love together. all that happiness has now been replaced with so much pain and utter heartbreak. I can barely breath some days. I want him to be cuddling me and making me laugh and waking me with his little paw tap sooooo much. I have never felt such a harsh pain before. Its truly unreal that this is real.
I read your comment, and I had to tell you I am going through the same thing. My Maxi baby was killed on July 11, when I let him out. He had to go outside or he got so depressed. He would nope around the house, and I would feel horrible, and let him out. Maxi was d -clawed; I got him that way, and the people who gave him to me found him that way.
He was my sweet little baby. I let him out at 1:30 am in Monday July 11. He didn’t come back.
Finally, on Saturday July 16, I went looking, although he had never left before like this.
I went across the fence which separates my apt complex from the condos next door. There’s a little wooded area, and I found his leg. I screamed for a full twenty minutes without stopping. I couldn’t move. I was shaking all over.
My neighbor in the apts looked over the fence, and she started crying cause she saw me holding his leg, and she called the police. They came into the wooded area, and when they sorted the situation out they said “Can you walk!” I said “No”, so they got in each side of me and practically carried me out of there, still holding his leg, and they drove me home next door, and it’s been a trip to hell ever since then.
I started eating sugar (diabetic) because I think I wanted to die, to see my baby.
The very next day after Maxi went missing, and when he was killed I’m pretty sure, my daughter’s best friend of 25 years died from an overdose of fentanyl. My daughter lived Maxi too, and we have been going through an unbelievable amount of grief and despair, and then I couldn’t take it around September anymore, and I think I was trying to exit this world, because without Maxi, everything is gray.
I got so sick from eating candy and sugared drinks, I wondered if I actually would slip into a diabetic coma, and then I realized I had to accept what happened, and it’s so hard…….I don’t think I will ever stop crying. I am 60 now, so I don’t know how much I have left, but I never envisioned it without Maxi.
This is the hardest and longest I’ve grieved, even over my mom, and I was attached to her side.
Reading these comments, I feel simpatico, and we are all experiencing the same excruciating pain, and the guilt, because we couldn’t protect our pets, who we assign human characteristics, and call our fur babies, and they become our children.
All we can do is to stay strong as if for them for their memory as my Beau he was diagnosed with advanced oral cancer at 17 his bday was 4th of Jul.He was a fighter he was a toy poodle and weighed 6lb and tried his best to stay with us for as long as he could, when we got him as a puppy he had a nasty injury as the first day he went for a walk a dog bounded in to him and he had to have the ball removed from his hip socket he was 6 m old and he never let it bother him throughout his life what a strong boy , today almost 4 weeks on from him passing I still cry every day but I feel so proud of him and lucky that he lived his life by my side and I hope you feel this too so much love to you and yours I’m sorry for what you are going through xx Kate
I feel so bad having to witness that horrible death of your sweet dog. I had to put my sweet Macy down today and am feeling lots of guilt. When in a decline, you never know when is the right time. It has been some months for you. I hope you are doing better and am looking forward to the time when I can think of Macy without falling apart. Prayers…
Sorry for what you are going through it’s heartbreaking, almost 5 weeks without my little beau and I feel sick to my stomach, it’s when I come home I feel it xx
I know that emptiness…it’s what you feel at 2 am when “Love Is Stronger Than Pride” plays on the radio…it’s what you feel when you look at everyone on the street so happy arm in arm, or giving lovings to their furbaby…. I just want to die in those moments…
I’m sixty now, so maybe I will kick off next time I see that bond I lost with Maxi, being happily re-produced in others.
I don’t care anymore ….
I’ll never be the happy, smiling, confident, unfettered person I was.
I’m late to the comments but have purposefully searched the Internet for this kind of article. Tonight me and my parents put down our Jack Russell of 17 years. It took place in the house and I feel traumatised by the experience even though he had a very peacefull death surrounded by love. I’m struggling to see how I can get over this grief. I loved him so much. Tonight’s events are replaying over and over in my head. I hope in time I can move forward and look back at his death as a sad but beautifull moment in life. My heart goes out to everyone who goes through this. I’ve lost family members but without doubt this is the most intense grief I have felt in my life. Such a bittersweet experience is pet ownership I don’t think I can go through this ever again.
WE are so sorry- and yes, you think you cannot go through with it again, but you love your animals so… time will tell and in the meantime, take care of yourself and your family.
How are you feeling months on from this ? I am lost without my Beau 17 (toy poodle) it’s been 3 weeks he was the only one and so special 💙
How are you? Im missing my 17 yr Toy poodle Beau it’s been over a month for me now and not gotten much easier x
I rescued a bunny that was abandoned in a house.
I cannot describe how much I loved her. It was amazing to me that a bunny could show love back as much as she did.
She would sit with me for hours, as I would play with her, and love her. She would even give me kisses when I held her.
I have had many animals throughout my life, and I loved them dearly.
I had to put my little bunny down a few days ago, because she had cancer.
Most people might think that you could not love an animal like a bunny that much. I miss my little girl so much that I think that I’m going to lose my mind…..
I sure hope this gets better.
it will get better- what a nice life you gave her.
Thank you
My sweet bestie, Koda, was peacefully sent over the rainbow bridge last night. He was the best dog I have ever known. We chose to have it done in our home so he could be in his bed surrounded by everyone who loved him. There is a huge cold void in my heart today that I can’t even express in words. We had Koda Bear for almost 14 years… he was a beautiful Boxer with the most soulful eyes…. I can’t bear his absence…..
awwwww, Sweet Koda- such a void- we are thinking of you!
Thank you for this article. It’s been nearly two years and I still feel like I lost half of my soul. I haven’t been the same since.
How do you stop the heartache of losing a pet? It’s only been 48 hours. Our healthy happy playful 6 year old cat Bella was found dead by our bed. We’ve only been out of the house 4 hours and she was perfectly fine. She showed no symptoms. No breathing problems, no vomiting, no diarrhea, no weight loss nothing. My husband and I are CPR instructors we panicked and tried CPR and rescue breathing with no response. Her pupils were fixed and dilated but she felt warm.Bella loved to talk to us her little chirps when we asked how she was and when we walked in the room. She did a happy skip and jump when she saw us. She had a Marilyn Monroe beauty mark on her face, tuxedo cat beautiful Bella.I am a Paramedic and can typically hold it together but the death of Bella has put a hole in my heart. I don’t feel like eating, drinking, working and if I sit still long enough I replay it all in my head. My husband and I are taking this extremely hard.I can’t look at her pictures and had my husband hide all of her toys. I’ve been a medic for 21 years and worked overseas. I’ve dealt with people dying but this is different. I can’t get the thought of seeing her lifeless body when she was perfectly fine hours ago.
We have 3 other cats and the thought of going through this again destroys me. We are going to have a necropsy (autopsy for animals) done tomorrow. I just need to know why.
Thank you for sharing your article. It helps knowing I’m not alone
I lost my little sweet Skipper on New Years Day. I miss him so much. I dont feel whole without him.
My 96-year-old mother just called, sobbing, to tell me that her adored Bengal rescue kitty, Daisy, died after being caught in her neighbor’s automatic garage door. The kind neighbor, also a cat lover, immediately drove Daisy (and Mom) to the vet, who sedated her in prep for surgery…but she died on the table. Daisy was the sweetest, smartest, most companionable cat I ever knew (and I have owned many!) My mother lives alone, and this cheerful little pet was truly her friend. So, Dr. Connor, your mention of “broken heart syndrome” struck home; at her age, I truly wonder if this will be the psychological/emotional trauma that will be the end for Mom. Another pet is NOT the answer, at her age (she is vehement about that). I really thought Daisy (who was only eight) would outlive Mom. It’s certainly what Mom herself thought. She is devastated. And I have no idea what to do.
I opened my phone and didn’t know exactly what to search for for what I was feeling after after a week of not having my sidekick beside me. I am so glad that I found this article and that what I am experiencing is normal and many other pet owners have these feelings as well. Thank you.
Thank you Dr Connor for writing this. For the last 3 summers I have lost 3 of my babies. Summer 2020, I lost my sweet schnauzer Pancake after 14 years, last summer I lost my yorkie Frodo-we were together 18 years…and just a few weeks ago I lost my schnauzer Mac-who was 16. Each loss has been absolutely devastating. Losing Mac really blindsided me…I won’t go into it but it came out of left field-his bloodwork from last month was almost perfect…This loss has really ripped me apart. As long as I had Mac, it felt like I still had Frodo and Pancake too…probably bc over the years they all learned from each other. When I lost him, it was like losing him AND Frodo AND Pancake all over again. I’m so depressed and devastated. Mac was my sunshine…he is who pulled me through the past few years…
I read another post where someone said that being alone without any support never bothered them until they lost their pet…I can totally empathize. From the bottom of my broken heart, thank you for writing this. Xoxo 🐾
I just lost my sweet Mattie after 15 years. We were kindred spirits and I feel beyond depressed. My heart is shattered and I cry everyday. I see her everywhere in our house which further stirs up memories and feelings. She was my best friend. I miss her immensely. I have lost interest in the things I enjoyed doing and I feel hopeless. I have never experienced such grief and sorrow. Those who say “Get over it…….it’s just a dog” have never had a relationship with a dog.
My little baby Maxicat went out for a late night stroll July 11, and never came back. I found his leg a week later. He was attacked by coyotes. If only I had been there….
I am crippled with grief. I wailed constantly for the first three weeks, and I still do it every week. My neighbors have been absolutely compassionate, nobody has complained. We were together every day for seven years. Maxi was nine.
They say the healing process takes one month for every year you’ve been with somebody. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from this. He was mommy’s little baby.
I think about taking in another kitty, but I don’t want to cause depression in my new pet.
It hurts so much…..
It has been 9 hours his name is Max. A mix between Chihuahua and Shih Tzu. Born February 14, 2014 Max lived with me until August 22, 2022. He was my Pinto dog, white with brown. Retired, we spent all our time together at home. I miss him so.
I experienced much of what I have read in the comments and I realize that chapter has closed. There is nowhere to scream.
My little 15 pound partner will only be available in the trails of my memories.
In Memory Of Max
15-17 year life turned into quick decline with hemangiosarcoma on spleen.did 1 bucket list pleasure standing in rivers,today is scheduled euthanasia and hopefully easy out.we are blessed to have her display small suffering but quality of life is gone.degredation of health is not comfortable and our goal is create and secure another type of comfort and way,we would like to die. Dogs are great loving companions on lone to us from God.
Thank you for this article, my cockatiel crossed the rainbow bridge on Sunday and my heart is shattered. I’ve had him since he was 6 months & he was 19.
We did absolutely everything together, he could talk, whistling, do tricks, give kisses, he was always there for me, we had a soul bond. I don’t know what I’m going to do with out him💔
A truly wholesome blog. Yes, losing a pet can be depressing and quite a shocker. A good way to cope would be reiki for animals. This way you talk to a beloved pet and connect with them even after they have passed away. It is also a wonderful way to check on them once they have crossed the rainbow bridge. These can reduce the pain that comes with death.
Just lost my beautiful fur baby Benny when he developed septic shock after an infection. He was 2 weeks from being 13th are old and a happy rescue we had for more than 10 years. I literally feel like my heart is broken the pain is so intense
He was such a wonderful dog- my world
I lost 4 dogs in the last 4 years. 12 yr old St. Benard Sebastian. I had to put him to sleep, he was in kidney failure. I grieved for him for so long. 12 months later I lost my chocolate lad Montana 13 yrs old. I had to put her to sleep because of advanced cancer. Meka my 14 yrs old Beagle/malamute mix died at night in my kitchen I thought she was sleeping. I didn’t realize she had died until I called her that it was time to go outside. I always new in my heart they were going to go 1,2,3 because there ages were so close together. It took me a long while to get another dog. My daughter was suffering from depression after 4 years of college. I thought another dog would help with it. We Went to the shelter and found another chocolate lab 8 years old. Her name was Molly. She wound up being more my companion than anyone else’s. My husband and daughter work full time. So I took care of Molly’s needs. We grew so close, she was always with me inside and outside. I live on a small farm. She loved to play in the pasture, which is right behind my kitchen. 3 nights ago I saw a small cat hanging around my patio. I seen Molly chase the cat before. I would call her back and she would could come. I was shutting everything down for the night. Locked the door, lights off. She came in the kitchen and wanted to go out I didn’t want to let her out but I did. Usually she would only be out a couple of minutes. I went outside to call her she didn’t come. I took a flashlight and looked for her I couldn’t find her. I stayed up for hour with the door open to see if she would come back knowing she wasn’t. She got hit buy a car. She was able to get halfway down our fence line where she died. My husband found in the morning. I believe she was chasing the cat or something and ran into the road because it happened so fast. With in 5 minutes after I let her out. She is buried in the pasture with the others. I planted a pine over the other a couple of years ago. It’s there tree. The guilt of letting her out that late of night is killing me. I can’t even blame the car because she was so dark. No car would of seen her. I have a Reflective collar. I didn’t put on her. Sits right by her treat bowl close to the door. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I miss Molly so much. My heart is broken. I can’t stop crying. I’m so lonely. I am thankful for this forum, to be able to read what other others are feeling.
Anita, I understand because I have felt guilty over everything I thought I did or didn’t do for my cat, who just died. But please don’t blame yourself. I’m sure Molly would not want you to blame yourself and she doesn’t blame you. It was not your fault and unfortunately these awful accidents happen sometimes. I’m so sorry for your loss and send you love. I know it is so hard to lose our dear friends. But I believe they are still with us in a different way.
Thank you for writing this article.
Our 15 yr old lavender Siamese cat named Klaus suffered a saddle thrombus, after an attempt to melt/dislodge the clot, he lost use/feeling on his hind legs, lost control of both his bowel and bladder, then eventually just vomits whatever he ate.
He is our first kitty to be put to sleep and after the past experiences of losing our two female GSDs (one due to lymphoma, the other due to degenerative myelopathy) in the past we thought were prepared for the next one. My husband and I waited for him for over a month before the shelter could release him as he was so tiny and frail. We know his suffering is over, but it still hurts.
Thank you for acknowledging our loss and grief. We don’t have children so our pets are like children to us.
Thanks to Bestfriends animal sanctuary for untrusting us with a handsome and smart cat.
*untrusting not untrusting*
10/29/22 12:15 pm- Dr pronounced Klaus’ passing.
It’s been 9 months today since I lost my my baby chew chew.. she has an eye injury as a puppy that got infected and went to brain.. the vet was able to save her but the damage done causes my chew to forever be a puppy and affected her growth and development.. needless to say for the next 2 years and 5 months she was never left alone.. she became my child and went EVERYWHERE with me including Dr visits until 804 the morning of Jan 30th 2022 less than 24 hours after rushing chew to the vet I received the worst news ever.. my sweet little girl my daughter went to sleep to never wake up again.. she was diagnosed with parvo.. apparently it’s become common for them to be able to get parvo although having been vaccinated and over a year old
It’s been 9 months and it still hurts just as much as when I received that phone call at 804 on the morning of Jan 30th 2002
12 weeks ago today 8/01/22, our 16 year old Black Havarnese, Cassidy passed way. Heartbreaking! Such a Blessing in Life, however so, so missing Cassidy, kind, Loving and smart. Buried Cassidy with his cuddly Brother, Butch who passed three years earlier at 13 at a local cemetery outside of Boston.
12 weeks ago and the Blessings of such mutually shared unconditional ❤️ Love, though the tears and heartache continue. Visited the fellas today at their pet cemetery. Soon to order a stone for their final resting place together. May God Bless them forever. May their memory be eternal.
“From the Blessings bestowed upon us in Life to your graciousness of Light for eternity.”
Written on behalf of
Butch & Cassidy
We who have experienced such unconditional Love will again be reunited with our loved ones at a time designated by God. Until so designated, while our loved ones may no longer be physically be with us, our hearts and souls Blessed to be together forever and ever forever….God Bless us all. May their memory be eternal!
Thank you for this article. I was wondering if you offer consultations. I lost my dog six weeks ago after much other loss and I am not able to move through the loss. He was my constant companion.
I lost my cat Ozzy and my dog Coco and I just remembered Ozzy and he died of brain leak and had to be put down and my dog Coco died from old age. This article kind of helped but I am still very sad and I set up a shrine in my room for my cat because we still have his cat bed but Cocos dog bed was ripped by my two new dogs, but we got two new dogs and two new cats and they are helping but will never be Coco and Ozzy.
I just found this article as my cat was ill and had to be put to sleep yesterday. Thanks for writing it and understanding how important these special creatures are to us. I’m crying reading everybody else’s comments and send all of you love and healing and love to your special animals. It’s always so hard to see them get ill and die or make the decision to end their life. I’ve had to do this three times in the last 3 years. All three of my cats died one after the other, a year and a half apart. I had to have my other two cats put to sleep as well as they were old and developed several health issues. But it never gets easier to do. I cried for each of them and am crying now for the last cat I had who is now gone. All you can do is remember the loving lives you gave them and the care you all showed them. I believe their souls live on in a better place. Bless you all.
I’m glad I found this post to learn that I am not alone grieving the lost of my fur-baby Coco (14 pound rescue Yorker-Terrier mix) that was my side kick companion for 12 1/2 years. I got Coco at 9-weeks old she was left abandon inside a cardboard box. She was put to sleep this week from CHF and I can’t stop crying on how empty my home feels without her. I’m so heartbroken and miss her dearly – she slept with me and always layed her head on my arms or hand and eventually moved to my feet. I knew I was going to miss her, but didn’t expect to feel so sad with a broken heart and it’s hard to fall asleep. I’m praying for God to help me to surrender Coco to HIM and to rejoice that she’s pain free and happy in doggie heaven. God Bless!
I said farewell to my jack Russell herculez. 16 years of unconditional love. He never gave up on me, not once. He saved me as I wasn’t in a healthy mental state. It’s been 1.5 months since I said goodbye and it still feels painful to come home. Depression has set in. I have dealt with depression in the past but this is different. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no drive no ambition. But I will carry on, continue to find my way out. If herculez never gave up on me, I surely shouldn’t give up on me either.
Sorry about your dog – I recently lost mine as well, 16 years, a good age but even knowing they lived a good long life doesn’t make the loss that much easier. I think dogs are such a blessing, it really does feel like losing a family member. With my dog, we spent so much time with him in the last month of his life, and our days feel strangely empty now as he’s no longer here. My dog passing although sad has reminded me life is short, and we should try to do the things we love, but not be too hard on ourselves either. I’ve had some struggles with depression myself, but try to remind myself that life is precious and we have to accept the good and the bad. All of us take our own time to process the loss of our pets – I found I was feeling tired and unmotivated the past week but I realise the grief of losing a pet can definitely contribute to that. I don’t think i’ll feel 100% better for a while but often think about him and remind myself of all the good times he had while he was still here. Even though our dogs are no longer with us, they have left us with so many great memories!
I lost my baby doggy Kora less than a week ago. She was only 3 1/2. We adopted her at 1 1/2 and we were told she was just too much for anyone else to adopt. She was high energy and full of personality. She loved cuddles, cookies, and zoomies in the backyard. She was the ideal weight, all muscle, and never had a medical issue. She had cluster seizures and we immediately took her to the emergency vet and they found nothing inherently wrong with her but kept her overnight for seizure watch. We got a call that night that she was doing well. In the early morning they called and said she had another seizure without cause. An hour later they called to say her heart never recovered from the seizure… I cant stop reliving that phone call. My husband screamed in anguish and I collapsed in pain. I’m struggling to sleep, don’t feel like eating, feel numb to the world, and like there’s a hole inside of me that I can’t fill. I don’t know if it’s going to get better. I don’t see how it can. I miss her and am still expecting to see her around the house. It’s like constant heartbreak.
Reading all these comments its amazing how many wonderful pets are out there that add so much to people’s lives. I lost my dog a few days ago – he was 16 so lived a good long life but we had to put him down and feel glad he is no longer in pain but also sad having to have made that decision for him. We were questioning whether we could have done more for him or if we should have waited, or said goodbye sooner… but we’re trying to remind ourselves that he was no longer able to do all the things he loved, and it was his time to go. It’s hard as the loss of a pet isn’t seen as the equivalent of the loss of a family member, but my dog brought so much joy and happiness and adjusting to being without him is really difficult. He was also around for the majority of my life, so for him to be gone it feels like i’ve lost a part of myself. I try to remind myself that dogs (and other pets) are blessings even after they leave us – even if they can’t live as long as we do, they always live in the moment and with unconditional love. Even when they are gone we can remember how much they have added to our lives, and all the great memories they have left us with.
I’m planning to make a video of all the moments I have captured of my dog’s life – even though i’m still sad, I try to remember all the good times he had and that his final moments were just a tiny fraction of his life. On the funny side of things, we did realise he was maybe 110 human years old – if he lived for much longer perhaps he would have made it in the record books!
Next month will be a year since i’ve lost my sweet Tanner. I find myself often crying or feeling an overwhelming amount of hurt from loosing him. I’ve tried to find a way to cope, but I still feel lossed without my best friend. Since loosing him i’ve experienced ongoing nightmares where i’ll wake up crying because i think about the moment when i felt him go. I remember specifically the chills that ran through my body and the gasp of his last breath. I keep reliving this moment every so often and I cannot find ways to cope. I’m finding it difficult to talk about him with my family and friends as they’ve all moved on from his death and i’m still learning to get by. My father recently bought a new dog in hopes maybe it’ll help cope but it’s only made the grieving harder. I find myself struggling to bond with our new dog, as I am terrified of attaching myself to him only for him to not be with me for as long as I would like. I feel horrible as it’s not our new dogs fault but rather I am scared to move on. What can I do to help my grieving and hopefully learn to love our new dog as I did my sweet Tanner.
Im glad I found this article especially since I feel like no one I know can understand my loss. My soul dog left this earth on January 4, 2023. If I would have known that I would lose my precious canelo starting the year I would have never let him go. He was only 3 and he deserved to live much longer. I always told him that if he ever left me I wouldn’t know what to do without him. I just didn’t expect to lose him so suddenly. He was the only one who would listen to me and I could tell him anything and he was always there. He came into my life when I most needed him and now that he’s gone all I’m left with is pain and more depression. He was the most kindest most loving human dog ever. I always did tell him he was more human than dog. He was just so precious. I know he knew how much I loved him. I just feel guilty moving forward without him. Every time i feel some sort of happiness I can’t help but feel guilty. Like why did he have to go and I get to stay? There was a quote that said heaven needed you more than I needed you. And it’s stuck with me ever since your passing. I’m thankful for all the wonderful memories you left me. But when you left me you took a part of my heart with you. Not sure if I’ll ever be ready to get another dog but I’m devastated. I cry for you every night I miss you everyday. I’ll miss you my whole life. Seeing you take your last breathe really broke me. I’ll never forget you. I wouldn’t wish this on nobody because it truly is heartbreaking.
I just lost my dog Archie a few days ago , he was unwell so emergency vet and he had terminal liver cancer and had to be put to sleep… hard to see a way forward without the little
Man … I had him since my mum died 6/7 years and he was the best dog my best friend and I miss him terribly.
I hope he’s running free up there and not watching me cry my eyes out every few minutes.
Love that little man and miss him so much.
I lost my girl Ruby yesterday, she was 1 week from her 16th birthday, I took her to emergency vet as my normal vet wouldn’t see her for her cough, she declined so quick to not drinking, eating or weeing, laboured breathing, her heart was failing and lungs filled with fluid, she was put to sleep, I wasn’t expecting not coming home with her, she was my shadow and my anxiety dog I have her sister Millie who is almost 17 but I am suffering so bad with anxiety not having her I can’t breathe, I know it was for the best for Ruby I am being selfish, I love her and miss her my heart is shattered, I don’t want to be in my house without her, how can or when will I feel some tiny bit of calm I literally in a panic 💔
I just lost my sweet, fiesty baby girl tragically Saturday morning 02/18/23. I rescued her in 2020 we spent ever day together. She was my Covid rescue but we seem to have rescued each other. She escaped from the yard and was hit by a car. Still in shock. This thread helps not to feel so alone in my grief.
I am completely heartbroken…I had my baby Roxy (Shih Tzu)for over 16 years. She started having seizures a few months ago and there was nothing we could do for her. Making the decision to let her go was overwhelming. For selfish reasons I didn’t want to let her go but I knew she was tired and suffering. I can’t seem to stop crying as I miss her so much. I knew it would be hard losing her but I had no idea how truly heartbreaking it would be.
We lost our Grayson almost two months ago and I can still barely talk about her passing. The guilt is crushing, I thought she had a UTI and maybe a tooth infection, she wasn’t eating and lost some weight, but we have two other cats. It took awhile to realize she specifically wasn’t eating. We took her to urgent care and they said she was in kidney failure. We took her to a vet hospital and they advised an abdominal ultrasound the next day. If I’d known that was going to be my last night with her I would’ve stayed up all night holding her. The ultrasound showed lymphoma everywhere and we had to put her down that evening. I cry literally everyday and the weight of the guilt of not knowing she was so sick crushes me. I found your article empathetic and seems you genuinely understand, so thank you!
Late to the comments (from the uk) 4 days ago I had to make the hardest decision of my life to put my baby holly to sleep she was 10 she was a beautiful white staffy who was not just pure as snow because of her colour she was pure as an angel to her soul, my heart is broken my heart and whole body aches for her , I’ve lost both of my parents so I know how much grief can hurt but this is a new level it’s so intense and hurts so so much , I no I done the right thing for her because she started to suffer with her health and mobility but I would do anything to have her back in my arms and by my side again she was more then just a dog she was my everything I’m so lost without her she gave me so much joy, comfort and happiness that no one or nothing else could ever replace, my heart goes out to you all and everyone who has had this loss and pain in their life , until we meet again my baby girl 💔
I’ve just lost my 6 year old dog. Can’t seem to get out bed. Don’t know why I’m usually strong but I’m now truly living alone. I don’t know what to do. It feels worse than when I lost my sister but that’s awful to say
I’ve just lost my 6 year old dog. Can’t seem to get out bed. Don’t know why I’m usually strong but I’m now truly living alone. I don’t know what to do. It feels worse than when I lost my sister but that’s awful to say
Our family lost our 4 year old yorkie poo a few months ago.. we think about him all the time.. I catch my self reading intensively about his diagnoses (myelomalacia) that led us to euthanize him… which is the worst decision a parent has to make.. I’m wondering tonight why didn’t we see him in distress, he lost mobility sometime in the night but we didn’t notice till the morning and he was just calm and almost relieved that we had found him.. ( he was in the hall) the night before I let him out thinking he needed a drink .. can someone please explain to me if he was suffering all night? I know he was in pain because after taking him to the vet they gave him morphine and he was stiffed and uncomfortable up until we decided to put him down the following day.. god bless everyone… I am so glad I found this forum because I’ve been wanting to tell others you are not alone.
My furry Son Stewie stopped eating and drinking last week. I took him to the vet last Saturday. The kind vet explained his kidneys were barely functioning and she couldn’t save him. I chose to bring him home medicated for one last night of precious belly naps and care. Lap of love traveling hospice vets came on Sunday to help him leave me peacefully in my daughters arms after one last night nap with me. I had 15 beautiful years and even though I know it was right I can’t move on. I have multiple sclerosis and suddenly I’m struggling with weakness, brain fog and so sad I can’t function. I miss him so much. He was a cat but didn’t know it . My heart really hurts for him.